標題: [專欄] T.J. Ford “I Can’t Feel My Body”
時間: Sat May 20 11:03:46 2017
大家好，昨天半夜看到T.J. Ford發表在The Player's Tribune的文章，覺得相當感人，
因此決定稍微翻譯一下來與各位分享。
沒想到存進暫存後剛剛想要重發發現存檔失蹤，因此先貼個英文原文上來一下，
稍後會繼續編輯文章加上翻譯，還請見諒!


速度飛快的他與Tony Parker分別被稱作美製福特跑車以及法國小跑車。

球風硬朗又有侵略性，但傷病真的讓他的球員生涯相當辛苦。
而他最後被大鬍子Baron Davis頂傷導致退休的畫面我到現在還歷歷在目QQ。
文章相當長，或許該分成上下兩篇的XD，但這對不常使用PCMAN的我來說實在有點困難。
如果對內容有其他看法還請多指教，排版或是有其他問題還請多多包涵!

原文連結: https://goo.gl/SXGJz4

以下正文

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The first time I was paralyzed was during a pickup game.

I was a sophomore at the University of Texas, and it was the same week that I
had hired an agent and declared for the 2003 NBA draft.

我第一次感到全身麻痺是在一場鬥牛賽。
我當時是德州大學的二年級生，同時也是我聘請經紀人以及
宣布投入2003NBS選秀會的同一個禮拜。

This wasn’t an ordinary pickup game. Some Longhorn football players were
playing against a few of the guys on the basketball team. This was when we
were coming off of our first Final Four appearance in 56 years and the
football team was one of the best in the country. I’m not exaggerating when
I tell you that all 4,000 seats in Gregory Gym were full — and then some. It
was a crazy-loud atmosphere. Vince Young and Roy Williams were on the floor.
It was legit.

那並不是一場普通的鬥牛。一些長角牛美足校隊*(註一)的隊員正和一些籃球隊員對決。
當時的我們才打進56年來第一次的NCAA錦標賽四強，
同時我們的美足校隊也是國內數一數二的強權。
如果我說當時Gregory體育館裡的4000個座位近乎被觀眾坐滿，那我並不是在誇大。
當時館內的氛圍實在火熱，Vince Young跟Roy Williams*(註二)也在場上。
這真的非常的特別。

註一: 長角牛(Longhorns)是德州大學奧斯丁分校的校隊暱稱。
就跟北卡大的Tarheels以及UCLA的Bruins(棕熊)一樣。

註二: Vince Young跟Roy Williams都是當時德州大學美足的明星球員，
後來也有成功踢進NFL，分別擔任四分衛以及外接員。


This was the last time a lot of these people would ever see me play in
Austin. I had just been named the national player of the year, and I was
headed to the NBA. I wanted to play lights out.

這可能會是人們最後一次看我在奧斯丁打球，而我也被選為年度最佳球員，
正朝著NBA邁進，我只想要點亮整個體育館。

At one point, I was driving to the basket when a defender reached toward me
to try to get in my way. My body spun around and my head somehow ended up
slamming against the thigh of my best friend, Royal Ivey.

當時我正往籃下切入，一個防守者擋住了去路，碰撞後的身體失去平衡，


The next thing I remember, I was on the ground and I felt … nothing.

蹦!
我所記得的下一件事，就是我躺在地上，而且感受不到任何東西。

I tried to push myself up so that I was sitting, but my arms wouldn’t move.
I had no feeling below my neck.

我試著撐起身體想要坐起來，但我的手臂卻完全動不了。
我的脖子以下毫無知覺。

At that moment, the only thing running through my head was the NBA. I was
being projected as a top five pick. How could this happen now? I was scared.

當下我腦中所想的第一件事就是NBA，我當時被認為會在前五順位被選上，
這一切怎麼發生的? 我嚇壞了。

I admit, it probably wasn’t wise for me to be messing around in a game like
that right before the draft, but up until that point I always felt invincible
on the basketball court — no doubts, no fear.

我承認在選秀會前夕參加鬥牛並不明智，但當時的我覺得我在球場上是無敵的，
毫無疑問，一無所懼。

After 10 minutes, I was still numb. I stopped thinking about the NBA and
started to worry about my health. Medics arrived with a stretcher to take me
to the hospital.

過了10分鐘，我還是完全麻木。我不再去思考NBA之路會如何，
開始擔心未來的身體狀況。醫護人員到場之後用擔架將我送到了醫院。

After 20 minutes, I still had no feeling below my neck and I started to
totally freak out. I suddenly began to wonder if I would ever walk again.
Never mind basketball, what would life be like if I never regained feeling?

20分鐘之後，頸部以下還是沒有知覺，我真的嚇壞了。
我開始懷疑我能否再次以雙腳走路。
不再去想籃球，重要的是我以後的生活會不會就這樣癱瘓了?

After 30 minutes, I felt tingling in my arms, legs and feet. I almost wanted
to cry because I was so relieved.

After two hours, I regained feeling in the rest of my body, but I wouldn’t
get back to normal for two weeks.

30分鐘過了，我的手臂，以及雙腳開始出現一點刺痛感，
這如釋重負的感覺真的讓我快要哭了出來。

之後的兩小時，我開始感受到我身體的其餘部分，
但在未來的兩個禮拜內我都無法正常的活動。

My hope was that it had just been a freak accident. An anomaly. But it wasn’
t. It would be the first of many instances of temporary paralysis that I
would experience during my basketball career. And with each successive
episode, I would always ask myself the same questions.

當時的我認為這只是人生中的一個意外，但這並不是。
這反而是我接下來籃球生涯中多次暫時癱瘓的起點。
而在每一次受傷之後，我都會問自己同樣的問題。

Is this it?

Is this the one that’s going to be permanent?

我的球員生涯結束了嗎?
這次會不會造成永久性的傷害?

My relationship with basketball didn’t start on a court. It began in the
kitchen of a trailer in Baytown, Texas.

我與籃球的接觸並不開始於球場上，而是在德州Baytown的一個拖車廚房裡。

I was four years old when Santa brought my older brother Tim and I a couple
of those plastic Little Tikes basketball hoops. Both of us were raised to be
basketball fans. My dad played in rec leagues into his 50s and he bought my
brother and I whatever gear he could afford. My brother had a Magic Johnson
uniform — jersey and shorts — and I had one for Michael Jordan, my favorite
player.

聖誕老人給了四歲的我以及我哥哥Tim一組塑膠籃球玩具組。
我跟我哥從小就被培養成籃球迷，我爸曾在地方聯盟打球一直打到他50多歲，
而他也會盡他所能買一些籃球裝備給我跟我哥。
我哥有一套魔術強森的配備，包含球衣球褲，而我所擁有的則是我的最愛，Jordan。

>From that point on my brother and I would play full court — kitchen to
living room — pretty much whenever we could. I’d like to think MJ got the
best of most of those matchups.

從那時起我跟我哥就會在基本上所有可行的時間內在廚房到客廳之間打起全場籃球，
而穿著Jordan的我應該是佔盡上風的。

As a teenager I played at the local YMCA, and that’s where I really fell in
love with the game. I was never the biggest kid in the gym, but from early on
I had a desire to be great. It seemed ridiculous to say out loud, but I
wanted to be the best point guard in the NBA one day.

青少年時期的我在地方上的YMCA打球，這也是我真正愛上籃球的開始。
我從來不是場上塊頭最大的球員，但我從很早開始就有想要變強的慾望。
雖然說起來有點荒唐，但當時的我就是想要成為NBA的最強控衛。

There was a lot of athletic talent where I grew up, but not much mentorship
and guidance. Because of that, not many guys from my neighborhood made it to
college. Even the ones who did get offered scholarships would often end up
making mistakes and losing them. I wanted to break that cycle. I wanted to be
the first person from my family to go to college, and, God willing, to play
in the NBA.

在我成長的地區其實有很多天分很好的運動員，但都沒有受到很好的指導，
所以在社區內成功讀到大學的人其實很少。就算是有拿到獎學金的人，
也很常因為犯錯而導致失去了這些機會。我想要打播這個循環。
我想要成為我家族裡第一位成功讀到大學的人，
甚至老天保佑的話，打進NBA。

In high school my team went 75–1 in my junior and senior seasons and won two
state championships. I also played on the AAU circuit, competing against top
players from around the country. I learned firsthand that I could compete
with anyone, and soon the scholarship offers came.

高三高四的我時期的我帶領校隊取得75-1的戰績並奪下兩個州冠軍。
同時我也有在AAU打球，與當時全國各地的菁英互相競爭。
我意識到我能夠與任何人匹敵，也開始得到來自各大學的獎學金招募。

Around that time, I met Rick Barnes, who was the coach at Texas.

This was before the Longhorns had any sort of clout in basketball circles.
Before Kevin Durant, before LaMarcus Aldridge, before Tristan Thompson and
before Avery Bradley and so many other future NBA players chose Texas.

大概在那個時候，我遇到了Rick Barnes*(註四)，德州大學的教練。

註四: Rick Barnes也算是NCAA男籃的名教練，帶領德州大學取得不錯的成績。
印象中現在在西冠對決的KD與LA好像都是他的子弟兵，LA其實是KD的學長。

The idea that I would even consider Texas confused some people. This was a
time when, if you were a top basketball player in the state of Texas, you
looked to go out of state for college. Simple as that. But my mom liked the
university and saw an opportunity for me to create a legacy there. She saw
the opportunity for me to create a tradition rather than to just become part
of one. And she liked Coach Barnes.

I did too.

我考慮加入德州大學的這個想法其實讓很多人感到困惑。
因為當時德州的頂尖籃球員都傾向於就讀別州的強權學校。
但我媽喜歡德州大學，並且也看到了我可以創造屬於自己的成就的機會，
同時她也喜歡Barnes教練，而我也是。

I liked that he didn’t promise me that I’d make it to the NBA. In fact, we
didn’t really talk that much about basketball during the recruiting process.
Instead he sold me on a different vision. He told me what it would mean in a
larger context if a player like myself were to decide to attend Texas. He
told me how much it would mean to the program for me to be a Longhorn, what
it would mean to my family and to the state as whole. Coaches say a lot of
stuff while they’re trying to recruit you, but what made me respect Coach
Barnes was that he looked me directly in the eyes the entire time we spoke.
He talked to me like a man, and promised to treat me like one. So I agreed to
help him build a foundation for the program.

他贈沒有承諾我一定打得近NBA，我欣賞這點。
事實上在招募階段我們甚至不常討論籃球，他帶給我不同的視野。
他告訴我一個像我這樣的球員加入德州大學的話會帶來多大的影響。
他告訴我如果我決定成為長角牛的一員，會帶來多大的改變，不論是對我的家庭，
甚至是對整個德州都是。
教練們在行招募時都有各自的長篇大論，但Barnes教練讓我尊敬的地方是
他對我說話時都直視著我的眼睛，把我當成一個男人在與我溝通。
所以我答應與他一同建立德州大學籃球隊的基礎。

And ultimately, that’s exactly what we did. When I was a sophomore, we made
it to the Final Four and I won both the Wooden and Naismith awards as the the
national player of the year. Now, the NBA wasn’t just a pipe dream. It was
calling me.

I felt like I was on top of the world.

而事實上，這也是我們最後所實際達成的。
在我大二那年，我們打進了錦標賽四強，而且我同時以年度最佳球員的身分
獲頒伍登獎以及奈史密斯獎。
NBA對我來說不再只是個夢想，而是個近在咫尺的目標。

我就像是站在世界的頂端。

And then, after that one day in Gregory Gym, it seemed like everything might
come crashing down.

但就在Gregory體育館的那天過後，一切都變了。

The first time I heard the term spinal stenosis was the summer after my
senior year of high school.

我第一次聽說脊椎狹窄症候群是在我高四的時候。

Spinal stenosis is a narrowing of the open spaces in your spine, which puts a
lot of pressure on your spinal cord and the nerves in the spine that connect
to your arms and legs. The cartilage in your spine wears away, so there’s
not much to absorb hits, which is tough when you play a physical sport like
basketball.  When doctors first discovered it, my family considered surgery,
but since it hadn’t affected the way I played up to that point, it didn’t
seem super necessary. I didn’t really think twice about it.

脊椎狹窄症群會壓縮脊椎的神經，並對手臂或腿部造成影響。所以這對籃球
之類的激烈運動影響很大。醫師在我身上發現這個問題的時候，
我的家人考慮過開刀，但由於這個問題並沒有對我場上的表現帶來影響，
因此手術似乎並不必要，我甚至沒有考慮過第二遍。

That injury at Gregory Gym was the first time I experienced severity of the
condition. But fortunately, the incident happened before the age of social
media, which would have caused a story about a potential lottery pick getting
injured to spread like wildfire. The injury didn’t end up affecting my draft
status too much. The Milwaukee Bucks, who knew about my diagnosis, selected
me with the eighth pick in the draft.

I had a promising start to my career. I mean, it was a trip, for sure. Every
night I was playing against the likes of Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter, Allen
Iverson — it was surreal. And even after games when I had gotten my ass
kicked, I was able to keep my chin up because I was living my dream. I was
right on schedule.

Fifty-four games into my rookie season, I was feeling great. I was leading
the team in assists and my minutes kept going up. But in my 55th game,
everything changed.

We were playing the Minnesota Timberwolves and I subbed into the game midway
through the fourth quarter. A minute after I entered the game, I was coming
off a pick-and-roll driving to the basket — something I had done thousands
of times before — and when I went up for a layup, I collided with Mark
Madsen. I landed hard on my tailbone. I felt a jolt of pain, and then once
again, nothing.

As I was on the ground, I remember Kevin Garnett and Sam Cassell, my mentor,
coming over to me and yelling, “Get up, get up!”

I told them I couldn’t. I couldn’t move at all.

“I can’t feel my body,” I said, laying motionless on the floor, in shock.

This happened almost exactly one year after the incident at Gregory Gym, so I
had some idea of what was going on. But still, it was terrifying. As I was
taken off the court on a stretcher, many thoughts were going through my mind.
But one thing I was sure of was that I would come back from this.

I was the only player in the NBA with spinal stenosis. The trainers did their
best but there wasn’t really a road map for treatment that I was supposed to
follow. The question became should I have surgery or should I just recover
naturally like I had before?

I saw more than 10 doctors. Each one of them had a slightly different
recommendation. Ultimately, I made the decision to go ahead and undergo
surgery —  a fusion of my C-3 and C-4 vertebra. The surgeon said that by
fusing together some of the bones in my neck, I would have a better chance of
extending my career.

Sounds great, right?

But there was some bad news: The surgery would force me to sit out for an
entire year.

That was devastating.

I watched the rest of that season from a hospital bed. But even though I
missed the last month and a half of the season, I was still named to the NBA
All-Rookie second team.

I moved back home to recover from the surgery. I was surrounded by people who
loved me and took care of me, but I can’t recall ever feeling so helpless. I
couldn’t play ball. Hell, I couldn’t even carry a bag of groceries into the
house if I wanted to. Doing even five push-ups required all my strength and
concentration.

After several frustrating months, I was finally medically cleared to start
playing again. I started training with coach John Lucas, and even though I
showed progress physically, I was a complete wreck mentally. One of my
strengths as a player had always been my confidence. If there was a spot on
the court I wanted to get to, I knew my body could figure out a way to get
there. But now I didn’t know what my limitations were. I felt a step slower.
I was hesitant. So the real work became rebuilding my psyche. I pushed myself
back to full strength.

And eventually I did.

I returned to the NBA on November 1, 2005 against the Philadelphia 76ers. I
was one rebound shy of a triple double in that game. One rebound. I was back,
man. That year I stayed healthy for the entire season.

That off-season, Milwaukee traded me to the Toronto Raptors, where I began
playing the best basketball of my life. Everything clicked for me, and once
again I stayed healthy for the entire season. There was even a two-week
stretch when I nearly averaged a triple double a game.

Then, the following year, during a game against the Atlanta Hawks, my luck
changed in an instant.

We were up by eight late in the fourth quarter. The game was just about
wrapped up. I stole the ball near the basket we were defending and had what
looked to be a clear path to a layup. But as I went up, Al Horford jumped up
and tried to block ball from behind. He ended up hitting me right on the head
and I lost feeling in my body in midair. It felt like someone hit me with a
hammer.I was the only player in the NBA with spinal stenosis. The trainers did their
best but there wasn’t really a road map for treatment that I was supposed to
follow. The question became should I have surgery or should I just recover
naturally like I had before?

I saw more than 10 doctors. Each one of them had a slightly different
recommendation. Ultimately, I made the decision to go ahead and undergo
surgery —  a fusion of my C-3 and C-4 vertebra. The surgeon said that by
fusing together some of the bones in my neck, I would have a better chance of
extending my career.

Sounds great, right?

But there was some bad news: The surgery would force me to sit out for an
entire year.

That was devastating.

I watched the rest of that season from a hospital bed. But even though I
missed the last month and a half of the season, I was still named to the NBA
All-Rookie second team.

I moved back home to recover from the surgery. I was surrounded by people who
loved me and took care of me, but I can’t recall ever feeling so helpless. I
couldn’t play ball. Hell, I couldn’t even carry a bag of groceries into the
house if I wanted to. Doing even five push-ups required all my strength and
concentration.

After several frustrating months, I was finally medically cleared to start
playing again. I started training with coach John Lucas, and even though I
showed progress physically, I was a complete wreck mentally. One of my
strengths as a player had always been my confidence. If there was a spot on
the court I wanted to get to, I knew my body could figure out a way to get
there. But now I didn’t know what my limitations were. I felt a step slower.
I was hesitant. So the real work became rebuilding my psyche. I pushed myself
back to full strength.

And eventually I did.

I returned to the NBA on November 1, 2005 against the Philadelphia 76ers. I
was one rebound shy of a triple double in that game. One rebound. I was back,
man. That year I stayed healthy for the entire season.

That off-season, Milwaukee traded me to the Toronto Raptors, where I began
playing the best basketball of my life. Everything clicked for me, and once
again I stayed healthy for the entire season. There was even a two-week
stretch when I nearly averaged a triple double a game.

Then, the following year, during a game against the Atlanta Hawks, my luck
changed in an instant.

We were up by eight late in the fourth quarter. The game was just about
wrapped up. I stole the ball near the basket we were defending and had what
looked to be a clear path to a layup. But as I went up, Al Horford jumped up
and tried to block ball from behind. He ended up hitting me right on the head
and I lost feeling in my body in midair. It felt like someone hit me with a
hammer.

It was a freak play. He apologized immediately. But this injury was different
for me. When this had happened before, I immediately had the will to get up
and try to continue my basketball career. That’s all I ever really thought
about. But this time I had no idea if my body would actually respond. I’d
already had surgery to make sure this wouldn’t happen again. I was truly
afraid that this might be the injury that paralyzed me permanently.

On that night in Atlanta, as I was taken off the court on a stretcher once
again, I was ready to just quit. For the first time in my life, I didn’t
want to play basketball anymore. I felt so much frustration.

By this point, there was no mystery about what was going on with me. Everyone
in the league knew my history. Now I had to consider more deeply why I was
actually doing this. I certainly wasn’t the only one who thought it might be
time for me to step away from the game.

But after giving it some thought, I decided that I just couldn’t walk away.

I’m one of the only people from my neighborhood to have made it out.
Basketball did that.

I’m the first person from my family to attend college. Basketball did that.

And I now had the opportunity to set an example for the next generation. That
was what motivated me to come back.

I gave the game everything I had for four more years, and though I had a
couple more scares, I kept playing.

Finally, on March 12, 2012, we were playing a game against the Knicks, and I
was going after a rebound. I remember the ball hitting the rim, and as I was
looking up, Baron Davis, who’s a friend of mine, boxed me out and nudged me
a little bit to get position. I immediately dropped to the floor.

Tim was actually at that game and was able to get down onto the court to give
me some support. I was surrounded by trainers and teammates, and the entire
arena was silent as I was just lying there. After a few minutes I regained
some feeling but I still couldn’t move.

This time, I wasn’t thinking about my basketball career. Now I was thinking
about my brother, the person who it all began with, seeing me in that state.
I was thinking about my two little kids at home, who didn’t know what was
wrong with their dad.

I knew that this might be the end, and I didn’t want to get carried out on a
stretcher. Not this time. That wasn’t going to be the last image NBA fans
had of me.

My teammates tried to help me up, but I just fell right back down.

After a while I found the strength to at least stiffen by body so that I
wouldn’t fall again. With the support of a couple of guys, I hobbled toward
the locker room.

By the time I got to the end of the tunnel the feeling in my body had come
back, but my arms felt like they weighed 1,000 pounds each.

And it was that moment, next to my brother in the tunnel, when I knew for
certain that I was going to retire from the NBA.

My motivation to keep playing as long as I did was simple. I wanted to change
lives. I wanted to make life better for my family. And I wanted to inspire
people in my neighborhood. I wanted to show them how far they could go if
they never quit.

But what I didn’t fully appreciate until I left the game was that I didn’t
need to be playing in the NBA to change lives in a positive way. I didn’t
need to make an All-Star team in order to inspire kids. My goal in life was
always to become the best point guard in the world. And god damn, I gave it
everything I could. But what I came to realize was that if I had the drive to
push myself to reach for that goal, I also had the ability to try to make a
difference in other ways.

So I use the same determination that had let me come back from the injuries,
and I redirected it outward. That’s what motivated me to start the TJ Ford
Basketball Academy, where I mentor kids from where I grew up and teach them
life skills through playing the game that I love. Hard work, integrity, good
attitude…all the things my parents and coaches taught me, I’m now passing
on to another generation. But what I now understand is that it’s not enough
to just about develop a crossover or a jump shot. There’s life beyond
basketball. So as part of my mission, I also help provide the educational
resources and mentorship that these kids need in order to not only make it
college, but stay there.

Since it began, more than 50 kids who have participated in the academy have
landed scholarships. That really means something to me. It means a whole lot.

And I’m also looking forward to setting an example for them in another way.
This Friday, May 19, I’m going to take one of the most important walks of my
life. I’m going to take a walk that nobody in my family ever has before me.
A walk almost 15 years in the making.

I’m going to walk across the stage at the University of Texas’ commencement
ceremony and receive my college diploma in Applied Learning and Development:
Youth and Community Studies, with a minor in Educational Psychology. In some
ways, I think the experience will provide some closure on a certain chapter
of my life. But in other ways, it also represents yet another new beginning
for me.

If it wasn’t for the injuries I suffered, I’m not sure I’d be doing any of
this. I put so much of myself into the game of basketball that it took up all
of my energy and focus. But ultimately, it took having the game taken away
from me to get a better understanding of who I really am, and what’s
important.

Honestly, if I had to do my life all over again knowing I would end up in
this same position, I would. I would do it in a second.

Because in my lowest moments, I couldn’t feel anything.

But now, I’m driven by a new purpose — and I feel better than ever.

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